The hardest part for me was realizing something quite simple.
If you ask me? No one compared to you, I was so excited to show you off, for you to meet my family, to hold my hand, to tell my friends I liked, no one truly came close. You were the closest person to me, and nobody had anything on you. Even when I knew you didn’t treat me the best, like you did with your ex’s. Even when I knew you had doubts about us, that your family didn’t want us together, and you were hoping to have someone else who can make you feel more into it. Little did I know that I was trying to work for something that just wasn’t there. Yes, you might have told me that I was special to you and that you cared, it’s not that I didn’t believe you, I just didn’t feel it because I didn’t see it.
To you? Well I’m glad to know that when you dated your ex’s no one compared to them because you were soo into them and no body came close because they were all you thought about, but that it was different with me. When you were drunk it was nice to hear that when you looked at me you didn’t see it. I think that was one of my favorite lines. You might have apologized for them but quite honestly? I honestly believe you still think it. I’m glad to know you never told you’re ex’s you had doubts but you’ve mentioned it multiple times to me. I’m glad to hear you miss being single because you want to have fun experiences without me. It’s really awesome feeling like total shit, thanks baby.
Now, I’m so used to one person, thinking about how they smile or laugh just kills me. You just fit better than anyone else when we hugged, you were the person I could tell anything too without shame. But honestly, I know there is someone who can treat me better, look at me with love, and kiss me because they feel something for me. Someone who would do whatever it took to be with me, something like I did for you. Someone not to tell me I needed to work on myself, fuck you.
The only shame is that you could never look at me like I looked at you. I’m secretly hoping that one day you will, but I know it won’t happen. It’s killing me. I know it was me who ended things, but quite honestly it was me who lost the most here and that’s why it hurts so much. What you were too me no one came close to getting, the idea of what you were to me meant so much, and it’s gone. I understand if you’ll be fine, you’ll get over it soon because it wasn’t like that for you. I’m happy to hear that you belittle me to strangers…when you tell me I meant the most to you.
I just miss you not you persay but the idea of you. Maybe that’s all I ever loved, what I made you out to be. I don’t know if I can ever truly say I loved you, for trying for hard to be good enough for you made me hate myself. I felt like I had to work for everything just to get you to have less doubts, which just grew.
Later? I don’t know. I can’t go back there aren’t reasons too. In fact I don’t even know if we should talk. I’m here, you are there maybe that is how it’s supposed to be. Enjoy your single life, it was just a wish I granted of yours. I’m going to enjoy it as well, for I’m going to stop thinking about all of this when this gets posted.
The idea of you is all I had and all I have now.
Yep, they are there.
One of my favorites